Previously on Project Co-co:*
*Learning about my relationship to the idea of bringing a co-conspirator into Kindergarten Mind -- and my project for the last session of 'Why Not Now?' The next session starts in less than two weeks, by the way.
I applied the magic of 'Meet Your Project.'
I chatted with my business, which, of course, knew exactly what I should do.
Then I went all Dance-of-Shiva on it.
My Shiva Nata notes:
I'm getting that 'Noooooooooo!' feeling when I mentally touch on the subject of a co-conspirator.
The kind of 'Noooooo' that tells me, yes, finding a co-conspirator is exactly what is needed.
It's the kind of 'Noooooo!' in which I mentally stick my fingers in my ears and refuse to do the thing that I really need to do.
A 'Nooooooo I don't wanna grow up!' feeling.
Because bringing on another real human person, it seems like bringing a seriousness to the business that wasn't there before.
And it's terrifying -- terrifying in a way that tells me 'this is the thing to do.'
'What? You want me to be a real business owner?!'
I had this feeling back in 2010 at the newly-opened Playground, thinking:
I know what I need to do is to out myself as this other person with other interests (rather than what I'd been doing for the previous, oh, 15 years in my career), and then 'Aaagghhhhhhhhh! Loud white noise in my ears! Nooooooooo!'
And then I got really nauseous and freaked out.
To my freaked-out self:
me: What's all this about -- 'Oh, no, have to be grown-up' --?
Freaked-out self: Aaaaghhhh! Nuuuuooooooo! [fingers in ears. Eyes tightly shut. Stamping of feet.]
me: Okay. No one says you have to do anything.
You do have a choice.
And even if it's the right thing, you could choose to wait on it.
me: Let's sit and have some coffee.
[Sip, sip, sip.]
me: Okay. No one is forcing you to bring on an assistant, agreed? And no one is forcing you to do it now as opposed to later, yes?
me: All this resistance is because you already know it's what needs to happen.
This isn't a really happy example, but it's like when we went to the ER a few weeks ago.
We knew there was a problem.
And we knew what we needed to do.
But we didn't want to have this problem.
Is it possible that you don't want to do this because you don't want to have a growth problem?
A Really Serious Business.
FOS: No, it's … it just seems like this step is the one that makes it a Really Serious Business.
me: And you don't like that prospect?
FOS: Well, I know in my head that this isn't true, but there's something about taking that step that says, 'no turning back now! You are committed!'
My head says, I can change things around if I want.
I have, several times, in the nearly six years I've been in business.
But something else goes 'Aaaaghhhhhh!'
What does it mean?
me: What does it mean to have a Really Serious Business?
FOS: Profit. Systems. Big expenses.
me: You have a problem with profit?! This is news to me.
FOS: It's just that it's a hallmark of a Really Serious Business.
me: So, it's not profit itself, but what it signifies?
me: Well, then what are the downsides of having a RSB?
me: We have responsibilities now …
FOS: Yes, but I'm used to what we have now.
me: What would these new responsibilities be?
FOS: Having more order and consistency.
me: And … that's bad?
FOS: Well, it's hard.
me: But that new person would help with that. What else -- other responsibilities -- new ones?
FOS: Making better use of my time. I'd have no excuse.
me: Right. That's an old one. What else?
FOS: I'd have to make it pay off! The investment in this new person, I mean.
me: Well, that would be the idea.
FOS: I'd have to work so much harder to do that, and you know as well as I do that we have fear of burn-out.
me: True, but again -- the new person would be there to take some of the burden off us us (not that time and energy won't be needed for training management, and developing systems).
FOS: There is something about profit, but I'm not sure what it is.
me: Hmm. Okay, let's take a break.